


An Angel and A Demon

by The_Advocate



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Other, Post-Canon, Ze/Zir Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), i tried to make this funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 05:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Advocate/pseuds/The_Advocate
Summary: Someone has to check up on Aziraphale and Crowley after the cancelled apocalypse and the failed executions, but Gabriel and Beelzebub are experiencing some trust issues with their subordinates. If you want something done right, you've just got to do it yourself. It goes surprisingly well.





	1. Chapter 1

Beelzebub was experiencing some trust issues after the whole Armageddon debacle, but someone had to make sure the exiled demon was not planning an attack against Hell with his little angel boyfriend. And so, one drizzly afternoon found the Prince of Hell sitting in a ridiculous park doing zir best to watch Crowley and Aziraphale inconspicuously, when suddenly a mass of gray fabric appeared on the edge of zir vision. The archangel freaking Gabriel had sat himself down beside zir on the bench.

Beelzebub growled in frustration. This was just what ze needed, another angel. Ze glowered into the archangel’s bright purple eyes. Strangely enough, they reminded zir of something . . . something purple. What else was purple?

“What do you want?”

“Well, Beez- can I call you Beez?”

“No.”

“The things is, Beez, I don’t-” he gestured energetically with his hands while he spoke, “trust you. And here I come to check up on our friends only to find you in the same park. But why exactly? Perhaps to plan against the opposition with our fireproof friend over there.”

“Relax, Gabe. I’m here for the same reazzzons you are.” 

Gabriel scowled at the nickname ‘Gabe,’ but held his peace.

Beelzebub’s annoyance was beginning to slip out in buzzes, which ze endeavored to control before speaking again.

“You know,” Beelzebub continued, “It seems ridiculous for us both to be constantly tailing the idiots. My demons and I can handle it, tell you if anything of interest happens.”

Gabriel snorted. “Absolutely not. I am perfectly aware of how deceitful your kind are. You don’t even trust a lesser demon to do the watching for you.”

Beelzebub folded zir arms and leaned forward. He was not wrong and ze wasn’t happy about it, but what could be done? “Alright then, a compromizzze. You follow the angel. I follow Crowley. We report to each other. That way we never lose sight of either of them. I notice that you don’t seem to trust any of your underlingzz to keep you informed either.”

Gabriel’s lip curled in anger. Ze was right, afterall. He no longer held any confidence in the angels working under him and he certainly could not keep track of either of the exiles 24/7, even less so when they went their separate ways. Really when it came down to it, he doubted that Crowley and Aziraphale could do anything on their own. It had taken both of them, seven random humans, and the antichrist to stop Armageddon, therefore they only posed a threat when together. When separated they were just two idiots bumbling around performing unnecessary miracles and creating ineffective curses.

“Fine,” he finally said, “we both watch them while they’re together. When they separate, so do we, whether it be back to our respective offices or after our respective embarrassments.”

Beelzebub nodded once in agreement and they continued their vigil.

The plan they had created was a good one. One might even say it was a great plan, but what they did not realize was just how much time the Crowley and Aziraphale spent together.

***

“-and that’s pornography. Crowley claims to have invented it, but he also said he invented the second world war, and well, he isn’t coordinated enough to walk in a straight line, much less orchestrate genocide.”

Gabriel did not have a sense of shame, which was very fortunate for him, because if he had, he may have been inclined to crawl under the table and die from embarrassment. He had had no earthly idea of what pornography was when that idiot angel, Sandalphon, had suggested it as their cover at Aziraphale’s shop. Sandalphon was going to receive a very strongly worded letter once he finished up here.

The waiter approached them. “Have you decided what to order yet?”

“We’ll have the sushi,” replied Gabriel, before Beelzebub could open zir mouth.

“Coming right up.”

Beelzebub glared at Gabriel as the waiter gathered up their menus and left. “What if I wanted something else?”

“Did you even know what anything on the menu is?”

“Well, no.”

“Then what does it matter? You’re not actually planning on eating in of this, are you?”

“I suppozze not.”

“Then stop complaining.”

Beelzebub’s scowl did not fade. “This is why I hate angels. You’re all so presumptuous.”

“That’s pretty bold coming from you Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell,” Gabriel scoffed.

The rest of the evening was spent in contrast to Crowley and Aziraphale. They traded pleasant conversation, and ate food which they both enjoyed immensely. Beelzebub and Gabriel traded insults and pointedly ignored their sushi when it arrived. However, the way they parted was less dissimilar than one might think. Both pairs parted cheerfully, one because they had made plans to see each other the next day, the other in spite of the fact that they were going to see each other the next day.

This went on for about a week, becoming less and less unpleasant each day. Towards the end of the week, it was almost a comfortable situation, although neither Gabriel nor Beelzebub would admit it.


	2. Chapter 2

Beelzebub and Gabriel had just spent a rather uneventful day tailing Crowley and Aziraphale through an art museum. In spite of the dullness of the last few hours, Beelzebub’s heart was beating at slightly increased rate. If ze had been any less dead inside, one might have described zir as being a little on edge. Ze had a favor to ask of the archangel.

Now this, in and of itself, should not be a cause for worry, Heaven and Hell asked favors from each other on occasion- hence the holy water and hellfire from Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s botched executions- but this was different, more personal.

The Prince of Hell cleared zir throat. 

“Gabriel,” ze said formally, “I require your assistance for a project I plan to begin in Hell.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Oh? And what is that?”

Beelzebub shifted uncomfortably, this was where the request became unusual. “Hell hazz . . . accumulated a number of items over the millenia and demons are not the most objective when it comes to getting rid of things. An unbiased party is necessary.”

“Let me get this straight,” said Gabriel, an insufferable smirk playing across his face, “You have a hoarding problem, and you need an angel’s help to downsize all the trash you have accumulated.”

If looks could kill- which they sometimes can with demons-, half the world’s population would have fallen victim to the glare ze gave Gabriel. As it was, he just laughed in zir face.

“Yes,” he replied after his laughter had died away, “I will help you clean out your room. Why not? It will be fascinating to know what demons keep stashed away.”

Beelzebub continued to scowl, endeavoring to hide zir relief.

“So when were you planning?” he asked.

“Immediately, if that suits you.”

Gabriel nodded in agreement.

***

Gabriel had never been to Hell. He did not know what he had been expecting, but signs saying ‘Do not lick the walls’ was not it.

He pointed to the sign. “Is this an actual problem?” he asked in disgust.

“It used to be. This way.”

Beelzebub set off at a brisk pace toward zir throne room, hoping the archangel would have the sense to follow. Ze was not sure how the other demons would react to seeing an angel walking around Hell unannounced. 

We have said that ze set a course for zir throne room, by this we mean that ze chose the closest and most dirty of zir twelve throne rooms. You may wonder why ze had twelve throne rooms. For that question I can offer only one word: hubris.

Gabriel stared as he entered the dingy hall. Various artifacts, clothes, and weapons covered the floors and crept up the walls in piles. At least three thrones competed for attention at the end of the room. But that wasn’t the bad part. Flies swarmed and writhed over each other on every available surface and the ones that couldn’t conceivably land, buzzed absently through the air.

“You live like this?” he exclaimed in horror. Heaven was nothing like this. Heaven was clean, light, maybe a bit spartan, but certainly not covered in vermin.

“Yes. Well, this is not the main throne room. This is the storage throne room, mostly. Also where I keep most of my flies.”

Gabriel wisely decided against questioning the Prince as to what exactly a ‘storage throne room’ was.

“This,” he heaved a deep breath and clapped his hands, nearly squashing a couple of unsuspecting flies, “this is not great. First thing that needs to be done: get rid of the flies.”

Beelzebub was already shaking zir head before he finished. “Absolutely not. I have been cultivating this colony for decades.”

He turned to look zir full in the face with his annoyingly bright purple eyes. “Beelzebub. You asked me for my opinion and I’m telling you, there are too many. You need to either get rid of most of them or relocate to a larger area. Do you understand?”

Beelzebub frowned but, after a moment of thought, snapped zir fingers. Half the flies disappeared.

“Good,” Gabriel sighed in relief, “now, onto the rest.”

They spent the next several hours sorting all the items into three piles: throw away, keep, and undecided. It was a good thing Beelzebub had so little shame, because Gabriel was merciless.

In fact, he was commenting on how large the ‘undecided pile’ was getting when he picked up something he had not expected to see. It was a sword, sharp, made of a metal not found on Earth, and covered in scorch marks. This was a principality’s sword. 

Gabriel trailed off mid sentence and stared at the weapon. 

Although he knew logically that all demons had once been angels, he had never specifically thought of Beelzebub before the fall. Would they have gotten along? Had ze looked different? What exactly had changed in zir demeanor?

The prince had drawn closer when Gabriel stopped talking to see what he was looking at. The creases lining zir face deepened as ze saw the blade in his hands.

“I didn’t know you as an angel,” he said softly, “What were you like?”

Beelzebub plucked the sword from his grasp and tossed it onto the ‘throw away pile.’ 

“Malcontented.”

They kept cleaning, and both endeavored to bring back the mood that had existed before the sword had been uncovered. They nearly succeeded too, but there was an unspoken, unwanted conversation at the back of their minds. Despite this distraction, the throne room was cleaned and, at Gabriel’s insistence, organized. He knew it would not last long, it was Hell afterall, but he felt a certain pride- was that the right word?- knowing he had accomplished a good work in a place of evil.


	3. Chapter 3

Bug lights! That’s what Gabriel’s eyes reminded Beelzebub of! The vibrant, nearly glowing purple irises were reminiscent of those foul machines that lured so many of zir pets to their deaths. That was the reason ze had such trouble looking away from them. Well at the moment, Beelzebub would rather be looking at just about anything other than their current surroundings. 

Today, Crowley and Aziraphale had lead them to a local carnival, and Beelzebub was absolutely disgusted. Smiling, happy children ran around in circles while the indulgent parents watched and couples held hands and laughed. Bright, colorful lights covered almost every available surface. The entire aura was absolutely revolting to the demon. Beelzebub’s only consolation was that Gabriel seemed equally displeased.

“You’d hope,” he said, batting away a cloud of balloons the breeze had blown into his face, “that an angelic being would have better taste.”

Beelzebub hummed in vague agreement. Ze thought little of the tastes of angels, but even for an angel this was a new low.

Beelzebub studied Aziraphale and Crowley from zir position across the field. Even after over a week of observation, they had gathered no evidence of any plans against Heaven or Hell. It really seemed that the two rogues were simply doing whatever came to mind in the moment.

Ze was about to remark on this when suddenly ze realized that the archangel was no longer standing beside zir.

Though, generally speaking, Gabriel was a focused individual, something just fascinating had gripped his attention. It was a game, or more specifically, a prize one could win from the game. A huge, plush bumble-bee hung limply from a rack of other such toys in the front of a stall. It was only a couple of feet shorter than Beelzebub and much wider. The absolutely absurd comparison put a grin on his face. He knew he had to have it. 

It seemed one simply had to hit and knock over all three targets to win. Easy enough. Even a human could do it.

“You, sir! Wanna play? Knock over the targets and win a prize,” called the freckled teenager operating the stand.

Gabriel gave his signature shit-eating grin. “I think I will.”

“Alrighty then, three pounds.”

Gabriel quickly miracled the money into his pocket and presented it to the teenager. In exchange he was given a toy gun with three foam pellets. Gabriel loaded the gun, confidently took aim at the first target, and fired. He missed. The next two pellets ricocheted dully off the middle target.

“Ah, better luck next time, mate.”

Gabriel whipped another five dollars out of his pocket and handed it to the boy. He took it without comment and gave the angel another three pellets.

Rules be damned, Gabriel was going to win that stupid bumble bee. He took aim yet again, but this time used grace to ensure the pellet not only hit, but knocked over all three targets. The teenager frowned in confusion -it seemed this had never happened before- but asked him what he would like from the top row. Gabriel gestured to the bumble bee. 

“What are you doing?” asked an accusatory voice.

Beelzebub had sidled up behind Gabriel. He hurriedly spun around and- ineffectively- hid the toy behind his back.

“I can still see that.”

Gabriel disregarded the demon. 

“I got you something. Your first friend,” Gabriel plopped the bumblebee down in between them, “His name is Beez, jr. The likeness is uncanny.”

Beelzebub cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“It took you two tries to win this?”

Gabriel scowled. “Yes, but the game is clearly rigged.”

Beelzebub ignored him and turned to the game operator. “How much?”

“Uh, three pounds for three shots,” the poor boy was taken aback by such abruptness.

Beelzebub following suit with Gabriel, pulled three pounds out of zir pocket.

Each of zir shots forcefully knocked down the targets. At this point, the game operator was stunned. It seemed they were setting a new record. Gabriel smirked. He had came up with a new idea as Beelzebub selected a large flamingo as zir prize. Ze chucked it at Gabriel’s feet.

“Hizz name is Gabe the Younger.”

Gabriel, however, did not react; he was too busy buying another round.

“Beat this, Beez.”

The ball hit the first target smack dab in the middle and, miraculously, ricocheted hit the second and then the last target. Beelzebub sneered and snapped zir fingers.

“Yes, my liege.”

The game operator froze mid breath and a shower of plush birds rained down on the archangel’s head. 

“That’s cheating,” Gabriel hissed, conveniently forgetting all about the last few minutes, “Now get rid of all of these before the humans notice.”

Beelzebub rolled zir eyes, but all the plush birds disappeared. And none too soon, because, before either of them could come up with a new quip, they were accosted.

A very intoxicated woman stumbled up to Gabriel and grabbed his bicep. Beelzebub and Gabriel stood motionless in complete and utter disgusted disbelief.

“Heyyy daddy. Got anything else big and hard?” she slurred rubbing his arm with her cheap beer smelling hands.

The angel and the demon then shared an indescribable look. It said ‘What is happening?’ ‘Is this real?’ ‘I hate humans,’ and ‘Oh my goodness, it’s just like the porn!’ with a singular expression.

“Just-” Gabriel began in a voice of absolute loathing.

“Leave,” Beelzebub finished his sentence with a snarl.

When the woman did not immediately turn tail and run like any sensible person should, Gabriel snapped his fingers and she collapsed to the ground. They both glared at her prone figure for a moment, then his gaze jumped back up to Beelzebub.

“That was just what I was about to say!”

This was very impressive to the archangel because he always assumed that whatever he had to say was clearly the best and most intelligent thing to say in that moment. Good for Beelzebub!

But Beelzebub was not paying attention to the first positive thing Gabriel had ever said about zir. Zir eyes were focused on their quarry. Aziraphale had been watching their little exchange with the inebriate with a confused air, and now nudged Crowley who was standing beside him.

Quickly ze grabbed Gabriel’s arm- not unlike how their new friend had grabbed it- and with zir other hand, snapped them back to their typical meeting place.

Ze released him immediately and avoided looking at his expression. 

“We might have been spotted,” Beelzebub explained quickly.

“How? The miracle that prevents them from perceiving us is still operating.”

“Yes, but they can still see people interacting with us.”

Just a few hours after they had first begun their surveillance, Gabriel had suggested they employ a miracle to keep their presence hidden from the other angel and demon. It did not so much as make them invisible, as interfere with Aziraphale and Crowley’s concentration. Should either one of them catch a glimpse of their observers, he would be hit with a sudden, inexplicable wave of disinterest and carry on with whatever he had been doing previously. However, an unusual event occurring around Beelzebub and Gabriel could be enough to override the miracle.

“Oh. I suppose,” Gabriel shifted uncomfortably, “Well, I’m sure the date was nearly over at any rate.”

Beelzebub did not respond. Ze did not want to leave. Ze could not pinpoint why ze did not want to leave, but the fact remained.

“Until next time, Beez,” Gabriel said with a formal incline of his head.

Beelzebub nodded back, but Gabriel had already vanished.

Then he popped back into existence, this time holding the plush bumble bee. 

“Don’t forget Beez, Jr.”

He was gone again, leaving the stuffed animal in his wake.

***

It was with a somber air that Beelzebub returned to Hell. This, though similar to zir usual grim appearance, had its marked differences. Grimness is an outward attitude that projects its feeling onto everything within its gaze. Grim is the appropriate countenance of the Prince of Hell. Somber is a feeling that points inward and has distressingly little effect on the holder’s environment. Somber, in relation to humans, is the emotion one experiences at the conclusion of a long anticipated party. It is not the ideal feeling for a demon in a leadership position. However, demons have such a limited understanding of emotions, that the second Beelzebub stepped into Hell, some unfortunate demon did not realize how unwise it would be to taunt Beelzebub in that moment.

“Just got back from another date with your angel boyfriend, hmm? He give you that cute lil’ bee?” 

The demon’s overly dramatic kissing noises were interrupted by Beelzebub slamming him straight through the nearest wall. Unfortunately for him, this wall lead to the room where the hell hounds were kenneled.

Ze listened idly to his screams of pain as ze thought about what he had said to land himself in such an uncomfortable position. Was that what the occupants of Hell thought? That Gabriel was zir boyfriend? 

No, almost definitely not. It was such an unheard of occurrence, even with two angels or two demons, it was very unlikely that that was the common conception. No, the particularly stupid demon had simply been in a jesting mood. Ze was not concerned about it, but ze did feel something, thinking of Gabriel in that way. Something similar to when ze had ordered Crowley’s execution, or more recently when ze had chucked that imbecile to the hellhounds. 

Ze frowned thoughtfully, thinking. Then it hit zir like a ton of bricks.

Pleasure. That was the word. Beelzebub felt pleasure at the idea of being connected to Gabriel romantically. 

Beelzebub glanced around surreptitiously, as though afraid someone may be reading zir thoughts. Ze found no one staring back at zir accusatorially. Beelzebub ducked into the freshly cleaned throne room, dragging Beez, Jr. behind zir by an antenna and plopped down on the nearest throne. 

So, ze had a crush on an archangel. That was inconvenient. What was ze meant to do now? Ze knew that humans told each other when they caught feelings; that’s how they developed relationships, but that was hardly an option in zir case. Gabriel had a strong distaste for demons, which was perfectly alright with zir- ze had a strong distaste for everyone. The bottom line was that even if he was interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone, it would not be with the Prince of Hell. 

And then, assuming he miraculously did feel the same, there was the matter of Heaven and Hell. The leaders of two opposing nations simply could not associate in such a matter. It may even be dangerous- look where it had landed Crowley and Aziraphale! No, a relationship was completely out of the question, so what could be done?

The realization dawned on zir slowly, accompanied by the feeling that zir lungs were being crushed by a gradual rock slide. There was nothing to do. Ze could sit and wait and pretend that nothing was wrong and that nothing had changed. Maybe someday zir feelings would fade away, but until then . . . Satan give zir strength.


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel was sitting in his office, admiring the penthouse view, and trying to get some paperwork done, when Sandalphon entered the room.

“Yes, Sandalphon?” Gabriel asked as his subordinate hovered in the doorway.

“Just wanted to see how you are doing with the whole Aziraphale business.”

“It’s been uneventful,” he said flatly. 

Any intelligent individual would have taken that as a dismissal, but not Sandalphon. Instead, the angel weaseled his way further into the room, looking out the floor to ceiling windows. Gabriel produced a scowl reminiscent of Beelzebub’s, but returned to his work.

“I hear you’re having to work with that demon Beelzebub.”

“Yes.”

“That must be painful, especially to an archangel such as yourself.”

Normally, Gabriel appreciated the other angels, mostly Sandalphon’s, sucking up. It was gratifying to know that they are aware of his superiority, but for whatever reason, today it was really getting on his nerves.

“And what exactly does that mean, Sandalphon?”

“Oh, you know demons, so inefficient. Slow. Stupid.”

With that comment, annoyance turned into anger.

“If you’re quite done, I have some paperwork to do because I can’t trust any of my stupid, slow, inefficient underlings to do it for me,” he snapped.

Sandalphon looked positively taken aback. He had come in here anticipating a pleasant chat that would serve to keep himself in Gabriel’s good graces, but now was being shouted at for no apparent reason. He opened his mouth to say something, possibly apologize, but Gabriel raised one finger and pointed it to the door. Sandalphon wisely took the hint and hurried out of the room.

Gabriel tried to return to his paperwork, but was still buzzing from the brief conversation. The thought of any angel- besides himself, of course- speaking badly of the Prince of Hell set his teeth on edge. But even more troubling was why he should care in the first place. Since when was he so attached to anyone? Much less a demon he had been planning a war against.

The archangel physically shook his head, dispersing the thoughts. This was not something he had neither the time nor the energy to think about right now. Hopefully following the two delinquents tomorrow would not be too distracting. He could think about it then.

***

The next day, Gabriel got his wish, but by that point his previous confusing thoughts were far from his mind. The archangel was not the type to ponder on frivolous matters and this, in his mind, was a frivolous matter. So by the time he was free to think on it, he had forgotten all about it.

Aziraphale and Crowley were spending the day in, and frankly, it was a relief. Restaurants were tedious, parks were annoying, the art museum was disappointing, and while the carnival had almost been- dare he say it- fun, there had been too many close calls. Besides, the reason it had been even passably amusing was due to Lord Beelzebub. 

As long as Aziraphale and Crowley did not separate and the book shop remained open, he was in for a pleasant- if not slightly brain numbing- day.

Well, Aziraphale and Crowley did not separate. The book shop, however, did close at around eleven o’clock in the morning. 

Beelzebub cursed as the angel flipped the sign to ‘closed.’ 

“I suppose it would be asking too much of the miracle to conceal us inside the shop with no one else around to blend in with.”

“Yes, but, if we were to physically hide as well, then I think it could work,” Gabriel said thoughtfully, “You know, our angelic and demonic auras cancel each other out, so as long as they couldn’t see us . . .”

“Gabe, what are you-”

“Shh.”

Gabriel grabbed zir hand and the next thing ze knew, they were standing, cramped, side by side in a dark cupboard with nothing but a few slats in the paneling for illumination and a view of the outside room.

“Gabriel! What the Heaven-”

Gabriel shushed zir again. “I think I can hear them coming. This is the back room, so I figured this is where they will go when the shop is closed.”

Gabriel was right. Not three seconds after he had finished speaking, Aziraphale and Crowley entered the room, laughing and chatting. The archangel carefully slid down the wall into a sitting position. After a moment of hesitation, Beelzebub joined him on the floor. It was just big enough for them both to sit across from each other, legs pressed together.

Beelzebub opened zir mouth to say something, but Gabriel pointedly pressed a finger to his lips. Beelzebub rolled zir eyes and silently flicked zir wrist.

“There! The cupboard is sound proofed. Happy?” ze snapped.

Gabriel grinned his typical sarcastic grin. “Quite.”

“It’s a bit snug, izzn’t it?”

“I suppose. Feel free to leave at anytime,” he challenged lightly.

“Ha. Right.”

They lapsed into silence as both studied the angel and the demon so near to them. They were drinking and watching some movie or other from their comfortable position on the couch. And though he could not see exactly, Gabriel could tell they were holding hands.

Suddenly, Gabriel experienced something very unusual. He felt a pang of jealousy. Not specifically for either Crowley or Aziraphale, but for what the two shared. It was surreal that they could have unlimited access to this casual intimacy, while the closest he had ever gotten to any sort of warmth was being stuck in this stupid cupboard with- with . . .

Gabriel’s gaze shifted over to Beelzebub. Zir pitch black hair was tangled around zir face, creating a frame for zir clear blue eyes and the thoughtful pout on zir lips as ze watched the other demon and angel. Ze was intelligent, fearless, had somehow become something of a confidant in the past couple of weeks. Ze was, he imagined with a ridiculous blush, the perfect size to hold. He . . . trusted zir. He might even l-

That was where he derailed the train of thought. Now was not the appropriate time to be thinking of this. Not when the object of his thoughts was so near, nearer than ze had ever been, literally touching him! If he closed his eyes, he could imagine it was them on that couch, holding hands, talking, and doing all the other absurd things Aziraphale and Crowley got to do everyday.

Blessedly, his thoughts were interrupted.

Beelzebub, as the reader will have surmised, was in agony at this moment, being alone with Gabriel; so close, but so far away.

“Gabriel,” Beelzebub’s voice was altered in someway, more careful perhaps, “Do you understand their relationship? Does it make sense to you?”

Poor Beelzebub did not realize that ze had worded zir question wrong. If ze had asked ‘does the idea of an angelic and demonic relationship appeal to you’ a lot of time and heartache could have been saved, but don’t judge zir too harshly; the poor demon had absolutely no experience in these matters. As it was, Gabriel repeated the question in his mind. ‘Does it make sense to you?’ Did it make sense that this could happen to just one angel and one demon? Did it make sense that it was these two imbeciles? Did it make sense from a moral perspective for members of opposing sides meet in the middle like this? Did it make sense?

“No.”

“No,” ze repeated softly, “I suppose it doesn’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

Buckets of water poured down from the heavens and Gabriel could hardly summon the motivation to pace, much less miracle himself dry, as he waited for Beelzebub to arrive. Ze was late, as usual. Maybe it was because he had been thinking of zir so much. Was it possible for a being to exist so vividly in another person’s mind, as well as beside them? 

His fanciful ideas were interrupted by the demon zirself, rising up from the ground. Ze scowled at the fowl weather. That is, zir face took on a more ferocious grimace than usual. 

“Should we get inside?” ze called over the thunder, because it was, in fact, beginning to thunder, “They aren’t in the shop yet.”

Gabriel nodded his compliance and followed zir across the street and through the door.

Aziraphale’s book store was as comfortable and warm as ever. There was even a fire burning in a fireplace, which occurred to Gabriel as a hazard, but he was grateful for. He really did not feel like performing any miracles today.

Beelzebub had gravitated over to a small, crowded table near a window. Ze picked up the crowning decoration of the table and studied it. It was a framed photo of a smiling Aziraphale and Crowley. They seemed to have taken it themselves, judging by the angle and the setting of the picture.

“I still don’t understand their connection. They are an angel and a demon, polar opposites,” grumbled Beelzebub.

Gabriel looked at zir carefully. Though he did not know the human terminology, the archangel was about to shoot his shot. “Not polar opposites.”

Beelzebub raised zir eyebrows.

“They both were devoted to their sides.”

“That’s true,” ze replied quietly, allowing zir eyes to fixate on his violet ones, “And they were asked to do things they didn’t fully understand.”

“And they failed to do those things, and were left to deal with the consequences.”

He had stepped closer to Beelzebub at some point, and now stood just a few inches away, his face angled down. His hair was still soaking and flattened from the rain. A sparkling drop, clinging to a strand of his hair, drew Beelzebub’s attention away from the purple irises. As ze watched the light dancing through it, it fell and traced its way down his cheek.

Very slowly, very conscious of how little the archangel would like it, but, at the same time, completely unable to control the impulse, Beelzebub raised zir hand to his cheek and brushed away the track of water. His skin was soft, but cold and damp from the rain. It made zir wonder what his face normally felt like, still soft and smooth ze imagined.

Ze had taken half a step forward to complete the action and now the archangel and the Prince of Hell were practically nose to nose, he need only lean down . . . Which he did.

With Beelzebub’s hand still cupping the side of his face, Gabriel bowed his head until, ever so lightly, their lips met.

Thunder crashed and lightning split the sky, so close to them that the window cracked. The kiss was over as soon as it begun.

Gabriel and Beelzebub jumped back, like two children caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Gabriel stared dazedly above Beelzebub’s shoulder and, for the first time in his immortal life, stuttered.

“Tha- that was probably my side telling me Crowley and Aziraphale are coming.”

It was a complete lie, and not a very convincing one at that, but the only thing he could think of in the moment.

“Yezzz,” Beelzebub found ze had nothing more definite to say. Ze could still feel Heaven so intensely on zir lips it was almost difficult to move them. It was laughable, considering how short, how delicate a kiss could be and still make zir numb.

“Good bye,” he said awkwardly.

“See you.”


	6. Chapter 6

The more he thought of it, the more he regretted it. The scandal this would cause if the other angels- or demons for that matter- caught wind would be astronomical, it may even be enough to cause a mutiny. 

And, in addition, moreover, beyond that, possibly more importantly, what had he done to his relationship with the Prince of Hell? The one person he was beginning to feel anything for may now only regard him with a sense of discomfort. Ze would avoid him. Scorn him. His blood ran cold at the thought that ze may have told all of Hell about his little slip up. 

With despair he realized, ‘I’m soft.’ 

This was one of the many reasons why friends are useless, if not harmful, to have in the first place.

The archangel arrived at their regular meeting spot at the regular time. He was thinking along the lines that if he acted as if everything was normal, it would return to normal. Gabriel, in one impulsive act that he had not thought himself capable of, had laid his own feelings bare. Now the decision of how to proceed was Beelzebub’s responsibility. 

Gabriel patiently awaited that decision. He waited several hours. Beelzebub did not appear.

Feeling foolish, angry, and more disheartened than ever, the archangel returned to heaven having been stood up by the enemy, as well as having completely forgotten his AWOL soldier.

***

By the time he returned the next day, Gabriel had composed two plans for two different scenarios: one, Beelzebub still did not return, and two, Beelzebub did return and rejected his affections. Neither were ‘great plans’ and certainly not ‘ineffable plans,’ but regardless, Gabriel liked having a plan. The reader should note that he, in fact, did not plan for Beelzebub showing up and returning his sentiment. This is because all his optimism died with Armageddon.

The Prince of Hell was at zir usual post, standing beside the park bench when Gabriel arrived. Ze did not react when he came to stand by zir- at a notable distance compared to their last interaction.

Eventually he broke the silence. “Beelzebub.”

“Gabriel,” ze nodded a greeting, but kept zir eyes fixed on the horizon.

They stood in what should have been companionable silence for about a minute before Gabriel could gather the courage to enact his plan.

“I would like to apologize for my earlier actions. I am not sure what came over me, but I would still like to continue our working relationship,” he said in his best, and most professional voice.

“Though not customary in Hell, I accept your apology. There is no need to change anything,” ze said all this quite nonchalantly, but zir body was as stiff and inflexible as a statue as the words escaped zir mouth. Zir gaze also remained far off, stubbornly avoiding the bug traps.

Gabriel did not respond. Then ze heard a slight sniff.

Angels, as a species, rarely cry, but when they do, they fall under the category of ‘pretty cryer.’ This means silent tears, no sobbing, no splotches of red covering the skin, and no contortions of the face. In some cases, the whites of the eyes may take on a pinkish hue. Gabriel was no exception to this rule, so imagine Beelzebub’s shock when ze turned to see tears streaming down the carefully sculpted features.

Ze was simply flabbergasted.

“No stop that,” ze ordered, to no effect. 

Ze rummaged around in the inner pockets of zir coat and discovered an only slightly soiled handkerchief.

“Here,” ze tried to hand it to him. 

Gabriel however, had just entered a new height of embarrassment he had previously not thought possible, and was in a near catatonic state, eyes blank and staring.

“No, Gabe . . .” ze said sadly.

Then ze remembered something they had seen Crowley do when Aziraphale had read a sad book. 

Beelzebub reached up to his shoulders and clumsily wrapped zir arms around him. Ze had to be on the tips of zir toes to accomplish this. Slowly, chin propped up on the demon’s shoulder, Gabriel reciprocated the motion, his arms tight around zir waist.

Beelzebub was unsure if he had stopped crying or not, but was enjoying the physical contact too much to end it and find out.

Instead, ze mumbled into his shoulder, “Why are you crying?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

That would have been a fair request a few weeks ago because Beelzebub only ever worried about one person- zirself. But now . . . well times had changed, and if he was upset over the same thing ze was, they were both needlessly making fools of themselves.

“Why are you crying?” ze repeated more forcefully.

Gabriel sniffled.

“I had hoped that you would return my feelings,” he said in a voice just below a whisper.

“I-” Beelzebub growled in frustration. 

That was it.

Releasing zir grasp from around his shoulders, ze grabbed either side of his face and forced their lips together. Though not quite as romantic as their previous kiss, it lasted significantly longer, and when they pulled apart, both were breathless. Gabriel sighed, and Beelzebub tilted zir forehead so that it pressed against his. Ze had been correct the other day; the angel’s skin was remarkably warm and supple.

Then a familiar voice interrupted bliss. “Well that’s not something you see everyday.”

Beelzebub and Gabriel whipped around to discover Crowley- the speaker- and Aziraphale standing beside him, with his mouth open in a comedically perfect ‘O’ of surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed this fic! I'm thinking of making this into a series, depending on if I get some more inspiration for these two.


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